Current Night Stress

     So I told myself that I would look at new job opportunities today/tonight, and so I did... But I feel.. more annoyed and less sure than before! x"D I'm trying to focus on local jobs that are stable and pay well, but also ones that my feeble resume could even attempt to apply for... Cause... I went to community college... for a while XD... and I don't have a 4 year degree (yet?) and a lot of jobs that earn you money, you "need" a degree. Some of them, I get are just weeding out factors, but now a days things are so computerized that I'm sure I'd be chucked out -_- Just for not having the right "requirements". Ugh. And its not that I'm lazy or whatever about getting a Bachelors... I just don't think its really worth the money XD Especially since I still wouldn't have a specific reason or major in mind to do it. I'd just be getting one that would look good to some stupid algorithm. (sigh)
     And this isn't to say that you shouldn't be like me and stuff, I'm just pointing out something, mostly to myself, because this whole thing is just to get it off my chest. I still gotta do the dishes after this and I wanted to feel better by just writing this. So yeah.
    But, I was looking at the Forbes Best 100 Companies List thing and a lot, well not a lot, but a good handful of the companies on there, are local enough to me that I could apply to them. And since I'm looking for stability and benefits and good pay and all, its not a bad thing to do. But... two sorts of "jobs" are my options, I feel. The more retail/grocery/service/hotel companies and the more scientific and business-y/technically boring but pays better companies. Ya get me? Like, on the retail side, that stuff seems pretty easy to get into and the job is easy, but it makes you wonder how far "up the ladder" can you go, ya know? Assuming that benefits are good for both types of jobs do I take the more (seemingly) fun and service and people job? Or the more paying (most likely) technical/boring on the surface job? And... even though it seems like I'd choose the former because its face value seems more fun at least in the short term, I can't help but wonder if I'm supposed to choose the latter. Like... I dunno. In a way, I can't see where a job that starts out in retail would end, over years and years ya know? Maybe manager of a store or manager of a region if you (I?) were good at the sort of thing. Or maybe I'd be in a completely different area of the business, one I can't imagine at the moment... And on the more technical side, it seems like I'd be doing my original job for a while, and eventually sort of make it to a more managerial position... again with the manager stuff, but I'm basing this off what I've heard "grown ups" say XD So... Ugh, when I think of both that way... I'd rather have neither -_- It just sounds boring. I'd rather be a cool stunt person XD But... I think that dream is fading for me :/ Not because I'm getting too old... but... because I just haven't put the effort in that I'd imagine it would take, and I don't really see myself doing it anytime soon...
     Where was I going with this? I dunno XD But... ugh, I feel like I have to make the decision soon or something. Mostly, cause parents. And the fact that I don't need to go back to school in January... but if I keep the same job and stuff... I'll have time to go back to school, even its it just to take what I did this semester: tennis and weight training XD Which, I wouldn't mind doing, but at the same time, I want to start making more money and saving up for LIFE and stuff, ya know? I wouldn't mind taking just this one more semester "off" to do that, but... I feel like my parents will really scowl at me and give me an ultimatum in the summer or something 0_o Not like, kick me out... but I feel like they'd super, super, super, pressure me, ya know. Cause right now I don't have many excuses to not just get a full time job.... Ugh -_-
     There is a sort of 3rd path, too, that I'm contemplating, but I need to do more "research" and that a full on trade job, such as welding. But, for that, I'd have to have an apprenticeship and stuff and those can take fro 2 to 5 years! Sheesh! Thinking about all that time just... is kinda weird XD I'll be... not 30... but a lot closer XD Hopefully I'd be married 0_o And then I also can't help but think that I'm coming at this whole job thing from the perspective that I need to support myself for my whole life. Which, I think is a good thing to prepare for, but most likely I will get married to a man with a pretty stable job himself so... Yeah... I dunno. I think a lot. But I like to think, because I like to plan and I like to think about what God's plan is for me XD XD
     The only thing that popped out to me, maybe, while I was job searching is the thought that all my  life I've essentially wanted to be a person that "saves people" somehow. Its really broad... but I've always thought about how to do that and what would work best for me and all... and one company on the Best list is a company that my mom wants me to apply for... and is kinda in the business of "saving people". And its pretty high on the list... so I couldn't help but think that maybe that was a clue? But, when I looked at all the jobs, man, they just seemed soooooo extremely boring! Plus, they want people who are in the process of getting degrees related to the job field... and I don't think I qualify... But, I guess it never hurts to try. So maybe I will. We shall see. Maybe, its just a thought to get my mind going on more way the phrase "saving people" can apply to jobs. Like, maybe this little epiphany is just a stepping stone, rather than an actual light bulb where I need to stop and actually build my life around it... That was a weird metaphor -_-
    Anyway, I think that is all for now! It helps to just write this stuff and to just get it out, ya know? An this way, I also have it written down for me to look at later. Which I think is good. Ok, well, time to do the dishes!!!! Toodles! ^_^

Trying Something New?

     Since I've started this blog, I've been thinking more about starting a YT channel or something. Mostly because I originally have always wanted too, but for reasons I've discussed in my first post, I haven't XD Mainly I'm paranoid about revealing "too much" personal information unintentionally. So, I started this blog instead. But, I feel like half the stuff I write loses its... effect because I'm not saying it out loud and using my facial expressions and stuff, which is a pretty big part of how I communicate XD So... I dunno. I've sorta wanted to start small maybe.. Like try to sing? I really like singing... but I also know I'm not the best... nor do I have any good equipment to record myself... Then again... If I was good, wouldn't it not matter if the equipment sucked? XD You can tell when someone can sing and when someone cant XD Anyway... i was thinking of maybe uploading some covers and then like making the video private, but then linking it on here XD Oh, and I wouldn't actually be on it... like it would be black or the camera just would not be pointed at me XD Cause I don't want people to know what I look like. Cause come on, I have nothing to hide if you meet me in person, but there be creepy people out there on the internet! 0_o You can't deny that... So yeah... I dunno. If I decide to do that, you'd be the first to know! :D Not that many people actually follow this blog -_- So its more of a hypothetical "you". Ya know. Anyway... Just getting some thoughts off my chest and stuff.
     Toodles for now! XD

Thing To Remember When Drving in the Rain! (And Maybe the Snow too...)

     IF YOUR WIPER BLADES ARE ON, THEN TURN YOUR LIGHTS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is literally,  my biggest pet peeve about driving in the rain -_- And I wanted to make this entire post to tell someone about it -_- In... California... Have I ever actually mentioned I live in Ca... Well I am now, cause its a gigantic state and well, I guess its ok to mention it. In Ca, its the LAW to turn your lights on if your wipers are on, but clearly so many people either don't know or don't care. Obviously, if its night and raining you turn them on, but you need to turn them on during the day too! Because its still really hard to see your car if your lights are not on! Especially if its foggy too and omg! Like, I always yell at the people, from my car, when I see them with no lights on -_- It just... its a  matter of safety people. SAFETY!!!!!
     What else... That was my main thing... but oh yeah! Set aside extra time to get places because you should be more careful and driving a bit slower in the rain! Set aside more time to get where you want to go! And also, have patience and try to be calm if things go wrong because of the weather. You can't help it, so why freak out??
     Get new wiper blades! Get them at least every year, or maybe even twice to three times a year if its super rainy where you are! Wiper blades are what enables you to see! Its every important to see!!
     Check your tires. Make sure you have the right tires for the weather and that the pressure is good and the tread is good , because tires are pretty much the most important part on the car. They decide how efficiently your are pumping water and gripping, and they decided how quickly you stop. Tires are very important!!!
     Pay attention to signs that warn of flooding and such, because you don't want to get stuck and possibly die 0_o Because its possible. If it looks deep, it probably is and just avoid it! Just avoid it!!! Also, pay attention to the weather reports and news reports. Be informed!!
     What else... Oh, don't forget the defroster! Don't let your windows fog up, cause then you can't see! Oh, you should probably check your battery too... because the cold might affect it... especially if its old... this may or not be from personal experience... Ummmm... XD
     What else? Now, if you have any questions on how to not hydroplane and stuff, I don't know about that... Just google that and ask professional drivers and stuff. But, don't do stupid shit that will increase the likelihood of you hydroplaning.
     I can't think of much else on the top of my head... Like I said, I mainly wanted to mention the bit about the lights... Lets see... Overall, BE CAREFUL!!! But don't be afraid. Just be rational and not stupid and... yeah XD Toodles!

Making Healthier Choices??

     Am I the only one that has been worrying about health and the environment lately? This goes along with my last post about worrying about making decisions XD Now a days there are soooo many things out there telling us that the way we've been eating and living for the past... 100 years or so is "toxic" and stuff for us and its probably one of the main reasons we have so many problems, health wise, environment wise and so on. I used to worry about this stuff a lot more a few year ago when I first started getting into really trying to eat better and use greener techniques in daily living and stuff, but then I got away from it a bit for a while out of laziness and now I'm getting back into it again.

     I don't know if eating organic raw vegan foods is the best for me, or if going a step further and growing all my food is best or if DIYing all my skincare, haircare and body care stuff is best and so on or so forth, but I've been... thinking, I guess, that I should try to pick some of these conscious habits up again and even try some new ones.

     I think this started back up again just last week when I watched a SunKissAlba video where she talked about her skin care routine and she mentioned a brand I've considered trying in the past, Living Libations. Another YTer I like, HolisticHabits, loves that brand (especially because its a Canadian brand and she's Canadian) and I've been wanting to try it ever since she mentioned it. But my skincare routine has been working (Paula's Choice) and the Living Libations stuff is definitely even pricier than PC... and I ain't the richest person. So... basically lately I've been wanting to switch, at least my skin care and mouth care regimens to either all organic "good stuff" or to DIYs... Its just ugh in a way because just buying the "good stuff" is more pricey and DIYs... well... I'm lazy x"D And for a few days I was really getting on myself to switch like RIGHT AWAY, but I don't have the money to switch everything RIGHT AWAY unless I pull from savings and stuff, so I was feeling bad that here I am, I have this opportunity to switch to more environmentally favorable products and to switch to things that are better for me... but I'm not doing them. I worry about that x"D In my mind it works almost like: if you see a person beating up on someone, and you know its wrong and you have the power to most likely stop them, do you? or do you just walk away because you might fail or hurt yourself in the process. I know that situation is a bit more of a drastic one, but its like that in my head. Here I have the choice to do something that seems better for me and for the world (I guess) and I'm not doing it... yet anyway x"D And this all just stems from me wanting to do what is right and good to God. I wanna be so good and perfect and treat His creation with so much care that I almost worry myself to death in the process... which I know is not good. Cause I tend to wonder too, "well... God gave us modern technology to do all these things, shouldn't it then be ok to use it? But then again, he gave us our intellect, and what if we're just using it wrong to create selfish things like anti-aging products when we could be thinking about how to-- I dunno-- create more sustainable food sources" 0_o I tend to think like that, and even more in depth. I always wonder if we're doing the right thing and what is best for our bodies as individuals and as a community and all that. And I gotta tell ya, it gets tiring. That might be why I used to read and watch movies and anime and create stories of my own for so long, because when I start thinking of real world applications and making decisions and choices that actually effect me and others... its just so much more daunting :O  Do you see my problem? Do you???? 0_o Cause its real and its... ugh... a lot x"D And in order to not freak out I have to constantly pray and ask for God's peace and remind myself that He is a good father and as long as we follow his commandments, it really probably doesn't matter what facial wash I'm using or what toothpaste I use. Those are more trivial things that are important, but aren't as important as the state of my soul and my relationship wit God. Does that make sense? And now I'm worrying that I've got the correct idea here... It never ends. Jeez. Thanks original sin.

     Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that unless what I want goes on super sale and I'm able to afford what I want before the end of the year, I'm just going to wait until after Christmas and until after I've bought everyone's gifts and all that to "worry" about myself. I'll make it my New Year's Resolution XP Nah, but seriously, I don't think it'll kill anyone to wait one more month to do all this stuff. Though, I have already started oil pulling, cause I hear that's good, and I have this giant tub of organic, cold pressed, coconut oil from Costco XD

     So yeah... ummm, if anyone is able to take something away from this YAY! XD If you need me to tell you something to take away from this, I guess its that... if you want to change something to make something better for you or others and you have the means and ability to do it right away, go ahead. But don't freak out, like me, if you aren't able to right away. I don't think God will punish you for not buying that organic apple if you can't afford it. Do what you can with what you have and when you can do something better, go ahead :) Don't feel like you have to do it right away. Then again, if its the case where you think you should stop something bad, do that right away. Cause most likely you'll save money and help yourself all at once.

    Yeah.... I think I'm done for now XP Toodles!

My Worst Flaw... I think XP

      First of all, I am LOVING tangerines right now. I don't really eat tangerines and citrus during the summer, cause its a winter fruit... right? I try to eat things in season, more or less. Plus, in season is cheaper XD

     Second of all, I am loving watching the Lord of the Rings Appendices. I dunno how many people have watched all the special features of the extended editions, but this is my... 3rd time that i actually remember, but I know I've watched it more, maybe not all the way through, many more times. But, since last year I've had the idea to religiously watch LOTR and The Hobbit and all the extras every year, around Christmas :) Some people read certain books every year, I'm gonna delve into Middle Earth XD One of these days... I'm also going to read the books all the way through -_- Cause I've started, but I've not finished any of them. But, in my defense, I've really not read much lately... aka the past few years. Reading just hasn't been as appealing as movies lately. But, I will eventually!!! :D

     Ok, on to the actual post I wanted to talk about. Its about yesterday, and at first I wanted to write about it, in the hope of helping someone or whatever, but then at night, when I didn't have time, I didn't want to. And... Its because I wasn't sure if my one little post, out there on the gigantic internet was gonna make a difference. I look at my stats of my posts, and honestly, I don't get many views... not many at all and so it was like "whats the point? no one is gonna read this anyway" But I decided to because maybe, just maybe it might help one person sometime in the future. Plus, its nice for me to get things out. I know that the whole "whats the point" part, stems from as a kid, when I'd try to contribute to a conversation or something and no one would listen. I was that kid that tried to talk and stuff, but it seemed like no one would listen. So I got really good at just being quiet. Just not talking much unless I was having a one on one conversation, or just a conversation where I knew that what I was saying would be heard... which wasn't always. So, as a kid, I very quiet. I also became that kid, and now adult, that recognizes when others aren't being paid attention to. If someone gets cut off I try to give them time to say what they wanted to say, or if they aren't saying much at all, I try to get them to speak up, cause honestly now, I'm a bit of a talker XD But I still try to only speak when there is a reason. I can still be very quiet.

    ANYWAY! On the what I really wanted to talk about XD And that is, my worst flaw. And that is, worrying about making the right choices. Worrying to the point where I can't make a decision, even when the decision is litterally as simple as what cereal to buy -_- Although I haven't had cereal in a while, but let me show you how my brain works. Since I was raised in a relatively frugal family (not like stingy, but man do we love a good sale XD) I've become almost paranoid about my spending habits, and the spending that I make my family do on my behalf. I don't earn loads of money yet, I just have a part time job that isn't consistent throughout the year, so I worry a lot about spending my money wisely. What I do, when I want to buy something, is I weigh its value per its price. If its food, I look for the cheapest unit per oz price combined with best quality ingredients. Usually, I only buy food if its on sale too. Unless its a staple item that rarely goes on sale anyway, I only buy things on sale. And its because I'm worried that if I spend too much then I won't have enough for something more important or for charity or for an emergency. I've literally stood and paced in the grocery store for an hour and a half before actually deciding to buy anything because I'm worried I'm not getting the best deal or whatever. I literally become paralyzed and it take me a long time to reason with myself that a dollar here and a dollar there aint a big deal. But of course, in my head it is.

   Now, I actually have been pretty good, about worrying to the point of paralysis this year. I actually had forgotten I used to be like that until yesterday. Yesterday I went to the grocery, Whole Foods, to buy my chapstick and of course I looked around the rest of the store too. But, I didn't have any cash with me and I hadn't gotten my latest pay check yet, so I didn't know how much spending money I officially had to work with. That, combined with the fact that earlier I had bought a drink I didn't need, and that I was worried about beating traffic to get home, just got me back into my worry fit again. Actually, some of it also started Saturday when I started shopping for my Angel Tree kid. I also worry about prices and deals and sales when I shop for other people! Cause then, I also worry that they will like what I bought them and if they will use it and so on. My thoughts just snowball -_-

    So yesterday I only bought my chapstick because I couldn't justify buying anything else with money I technically didn't have yet. Granted, I do have other reserves of money, but I'm trying to save that and only stick with a certain amount each pay check, ya know. I didn't feel good about not buyig anything else, but at least I didn't feel guilty for "wasting money" ya know. Then the funny thing was that on my way home, there is this little deli and coffee place I've been meaning to try and so I stopped there and spend twelve bucks XD But, I figured that since I actually wanted it, and have been for some time, it was ok. Brain... why?

     But, this train of thought doesn't just apply to money, it also applies to life choices. Although, really I mostly freak out about money. But in my previous post I mentioned the job thing and that's still been on my mind. Its like I'm trying to decide between two careers and two directions to go in... and its like uuuggghhhh. Should I be more practical or should I be more fun, but also not as... guaranteed. I'm still going back and forth. *sigh* Pray for me please! XP

     I did wake up feeling better though, not as freaked out and all last night I was watching Christian YTbers and Christian comedians and stuff. I like Michael Jr right now :) And so basically I'm just trying to remember that God's got me. He's a good father and there isn't just one specific and exact step by step path for me to follow. I was really relieved when I was watching a Jefferson Bethke video on this, where he talked about how to know God's will and stuff, and it really clicked with me that God is a good father, and he wants what's best for us, but there isn't just one thing that is best. Or rather, maybe there is, but there is a whole lot of things that are good too. And God isnt going to set us up to fail. We've got options, there are many good options to choose from and as long as we stick with the good options we good! Now there are a lot of bad options too, but honestly, I think we know in hearts and souls what those bad options are. So don't do them! But as far as all the good options, as long we keep choosing those, it'll turn out well :)

    SO! This is a long post that I'm gonna wrap up, but starting today, well, really last night when I realized it, I'm going to start to really, intentionally, give my worries to God and ask for His perfect peace to just always be washing over me. I don't want to worry about the little things, because God will provide. I don't want to make little mistake either though, its a fine line. I also want to try more. Like, I want to knock on more doors and see which ones God opens for me. Only good doors though! I pray that God protects me from good looking doors that actual hide ugly homes and such. But, I know that I've not done a lot in my life, and I really want to give back more. I want to show Christ's love to more people and help them to be lights to others that they meet. I've also wondered if I should start making videos or doing a podcast... but I'm kinds scared x"D I'd love to try, but then I go back to the "who would listen" part of my worrying. But anyway... Yeah, I dunno how to end this... I think I got tuckered out with how long this is XD So I'mma just say Toodles and God Bless! ^_^

What I've Been Doing

     I was gonna make a post about Thanksgiving and stuff... but whenever I think that I'm going to do a specific post... I sit down to write it and it doesn't work. So I wait for a post to come that just flows XD Also, I just realized there are little emoji things!👅 But I dunno if I'll use them a lot... They're hard to see, for me, and takes a long time to find the one I want. 😔
     Ok, so, like a week ago, I started watching Code Geass, my tie for Fav Anime. But as I was watching it and rereading about it on Wikipedia... I think I'm going to rethink my decision about it. Its a fun anime... but... its really not the best. I love the colors and the gangly characters, but.. the actual story and the morals, I suppose, aren't the best, from a Christian perspective anyway. So... I still like it... but honestly it takes me back and reminds me of a time in my life where... lets just say I relate more to Lelouch. And if you've watched the anime, you know that Lelouch is... really not the best guy. His end goal is a good idea, but his methods are, well, quite wrong. Pretty much everyone's methods are wrong. Euphie is good and so is Nunnally, but... And I haven't finished it, so I don't remember everything, but its just not the best thing. Its similar, also, to my fav manga, Deathnote. Both Lelouch and Light are similar characters, though Lelouch is better in the end. ANYWAY! Basically, this might be the last time I watch this anime... I dunno. I've found that when you're at different parts of your life you react to the same thing differently. So, I might like it better later.
     As of yesterday I've started watching the Appendices of The Lord of the Rings and I like it much better than Code Geass :) LOTR is just my fav thing and it brings me to a happy time in my life. Unlike Code Geass. Also, I've been thinking more in a New Zealand accent XD Its just fun. I'll probably talk more about LOTR later, though, but its just facinating to me how the movie got made and how Tolkien came up with it all and I really wish I could have been a part of it when it was made :)
     I've been so excited this year to buy Christmas gifts! I saved up money this year (its only the second year I've actually had a job though XD) and I was so excited to buy stuff for family that I forgot about charity and when my mom reminded me it was like a light bulb went off in my head! Like, my close family is pretty well off, they aren't sorely in need of any physical items, but there are people who are. So I've already bought a book set things from Costco for the Toys for Tots bin at my church and I picked up an Angel Tree thing from the mall. The kid said he wanted a watch, but I've already also gotten him some clothes ^_^ I figure that if he was humble enough to ask for only a watch, I'll give him more than what he asked for :) I just hope he likes what I've picked out x"D
      One thing I have not been doing since last Thursday is working XD My job isn't particularly regular so it comes and goes as far as busy-ness. I'm enjoying the time off, but its also weird. It also has me looking for another job that is more steady. I've applied to one place where one of my friends already works, and I'm plucking up the courage to apply for another one. But the two jobs are completely different and its sort of scary... the 2nd one because its not something I've done before and its also like actually full time. Which means I'd be doing a lot less of everything else. So... I'm reluctant to do that just because, I like the flexibility I have right now and if I do get the 2nd job and I do well, its the sort of job that you're "set for life" in, if you know what I mean. Which... is good, but its more like I don't know if I want to be in that line of work my whole life. SO yeah, I've been thinking about that and even though its not a super big deal... its still... feels like it. So I've been praying "Lord, Thy will be done, Thy will be done!" He knows whats best for me so I should have nothing to worry about. I guess the thing I'm sorta worried about is letting people down. I hate applying for multiple jobs at the same time because I think, what if I get offered all of them? One is better, but one is more fun and it seems like they both need me? Ugh. But then I just think that thats dumb. People come and go in jobs all the time and I can just quit if I don't really like it. I'm still young and I still have time, and God won't punish me horribly for "choosing the 'wrong' path". Well, I get that if I do something horribly wrong, yes, I'll be punished, but choosing one job over another for a short period of time isn't going to be that detrimental. I guess what also is nagging at me is the 2nd job is sort of time sensitive. I might have to act on it now or I'll never be asked again, because it is a job I sorta turned down twice already, but because I was already busy... Anyway... I don't really want it now... but it is a really good opportunity. Basically, I guess I feel torn between doing something fun and more personable and doing something that will earn me more money and benefits later down the line... sigh... When I put it that way, it sounds simple, I guess. Like I've already made up my mind, but my parents also really want me to do job 2 because its more stable and they've been nagging me... ugh. I guess what I'm saying is, pray for  me XD Its not a super bad situation, but its still annoying to be in, ya know.
     Ok, this seems like a long thing, so Imma wrap it up now :) Toodles! And God Bless! ^_^ Happy Holidays and Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas! 🙌😁

What I'm Looking for in My Future Husband

     So, I'm ain't gonna lie, I got high standards. For myself, and for my future husband. And today, I wanted to talk a bit about boy stuff. I don't think I really have on this blog, mostly because when I would think of things, it'd be too specific, and I don't want to paint bad, limited pictures of people by just complaining on the internet-- not that many people read, this, but still. I don't want to "throw anyone under the bus" so to speak.
     I thought, instead, I would try to focus on the things I am looking for in a husband and a bit of what my past experience has been with boys. I wanna keep things positive :)
     1. I'm looking for someone who loves the Lord more than he loves me. Now, that's a pretty cliche thing to say for a lot of Christian girls, but the more people I meet, the more I realize that I want and need someone who is "on my level" of God-ness XD Not to say that I am perfect, but day in and day out I really try to do my best to live a life that God would approve of. Now, if you read this blog you know I curse a bit, and, yeah, that's not the best, but... I'm working on it. I'm trying, and I... lets just say I used to try less. But lately, I just really seen and felt God working in me and making me better and I've just felt and been a better person. If you knew me in middle school and high school... you'd know what I meant x"D So basically, for a guy, I want him to be always trying to be more God-like, just like I am. I want him to strive for being the best he can and to do the right thing, even if it means tell ing me "no" XD I know a lot of people say stuff like "happy wife, happy life" but I'm not that kind of person. I want someone who does the right thing, even if I'm wrong. Ya know? (Adding this in later, but it goes with it. I want a man who had the same morals as me. If we're both Christian, we should, but still. Same morals and code of conduct, based on God's Word.)
     As far as my personal experience has been with guys and this topic... lets just say that everyone has faltered in some way shape or form. However! I'm willing to "take on" someone who at least recognizes their faults and will try to change. I know people can change, because I have, so even if they aren't "perfect" now, as long as they are willing to try their best and to change, then I'd let my heart open for them. I get, though, that that is a bit dangerous, and that I should probably go for someone that is more "religious" or whatever, but... I've always been the type to like to help people, as long as they themselves were giving it their all. Also, its just really hard to find someone, not already taken, that is already "perfect".
     2. Doesn't do stupid stuff. Now, this is a very broad category, but I don't want my future husband to come with addictions like smoking (even weed) or alcoholism or even the addiction to being... not an adult. Ok, I want an adult, someone that, is logical, and knows when something is a bad decision and doesn't do it. And you'd be surprised (maybe, maybe not) how many people I've met that they get crossed out at this point. Most guys, I just think that they don't act like they should for their age and they just aren't ready for a real romantic and life lasting relationship. They are still children, despite their age. Smoking, I'm finding out, is a bigger one that I thought, too, I've recently found out that a lot of my coworkers smoke... and its just a big no. Just a giant no. Unless they actually quit. Cause, seriously, everyone knows now, that smoking kills you, even weed, that shit kills your brain. I've seen... older people that enjoyed doing a variety of drugs and alcohol in their youth and are... not exemplary citizens in their later years. And more that are, instead of arent. So smoking, is a big one for me, and my family. Now, hopefully, if you only smoke "occasionally" you can then learn to live without it at all, otherwise. Naaaaah bruh!
     3. He's gotta love my quirks. And boy do I have a lot of them! I can be really weird, and I even already made a blog post about weird things I do!But that doesn't mean I'm weird all the time. I know how to "turn it off" but usually when Im out in public and with friends, "weird me" is turned on, because that me is more fun. And its not that I'm being fake, either, I'm just being a bit more fun so that others have fun too and everyone is smiling and laughing, even if its at me and not with me. XD I really didn't start being "weird" until... like a few years ago. I used to be quiet and didn't care about speaking to new people and stuff, but now I just realize that its fun to make friends and therefore I need to be more outgoing, so I just decided to be and now I dance when no music plays, sing when no one cares and make face at people across the room XD Even if they don't want me to XD
     And as far as guys go... sometimes my weirdness is a turn off, and sometimes it just breaks the ice and we get to know each other better. But, once you get to know me more, I'm not as weird and I'm really just normal.
     4. He's gotta love me and his actions have to say it. However, don't assume feelings based on actions either. Sometimes they are just really nice, but never think of you romantically... and sometimes they are really nice to you... but you're not the only one they are "nice" to...  -_- But thats going into "throwing them under the buss" territory, so that's all I shall say. But anyway, I want someone that is just so happy to be with me, that doing nice things for me, just come naturally, they don't have to try. Because, when I like someone, that's what I do. My mind turns to "what can I do for them?" So I think its fair to want someone who treats me as well as I treat them XD Putting others before himself is a big one, and its a pretty big sign of how "Godly" he is too.  He should enjoy doing things and spending time with me, it shouldn't be a chore. Though, I do understand that guys needs to be reminded and we can't treat them as if they read minds. Communication is key.
     5. He's a pretty chill dude overall. One thing that annoys me about people in general, is when they legitimately freak out about things that really don't matter. I want someone that is so filled with the peace and love of God that they don't worry about the little things and they look on the bright side of dark situations. I want a man who knows that God is in control and is overall pretty chill. I don't want someone who gets angry really quick or screams or yells. I want someone that can communicate calmly and can see both sides of an argument. I also want someone that is willing to step up to me. Cause I am not a pushover. I wouldn't say that I'm stubborn, but I don't want someone with no spine who lets me do as I please. I want an equal and someone who is... you guessed it, just as chill as me XD
     6. Michellaneous. These are things that I'd like, but aren't like deal breakers XD
      - Lord, please give him the gift of cooking! I pretty much hate cooking and would love someone who can cook.
     - Someone who enjoys the same movies and tv shows I do. Movies are a pretty big part of my life, so it'd be really nice if we could talk about LOTR or Avengers or Star Wars on the same level XD
     - A handy man. I'm not the laziest person... but I'd love it it my man could be a classic dude that fixes things and doesn't need to hire someone else to do it, ya know?
     
     The more I think about what I want in a man... the more I realize how... not picky I am XD Basically, I want a good, Godly man, but... he doesn't have to be perfect when I meet him, just willing to do his best, and he needs to be a natural gentleman and treat me like he loves me, but doesn't idolize me. Ya know. I think, after that, the rest come naturally. There are little things that would be nice, but over the years I've come to realize that even height, weight, and skin color don't matter to me. I've liked white dudes, I've liked black dudes, I've liked asian dudes (I mean, kpop, come one XD), and I've liked brown (everything from Indian to Latino to South American XD) dudes. Basically, I've liked someone from every "color of skin" out there.  Sometimes I didn't want to admit it, I wanted to have "a type" but I've realized that looks just don't matter. If you get to know them and love them, you'll find things you like that you thought you never would, and it'll be ok. Also, the people I've loved the most... are people I never saw coming. Now, I've still never actually been in a relationship... I've been close... but not quite and I used to not be ok with that. And still... I sorta feel like falling in love and marriage is soooo important to me, but I'm realizing that its Ok to be single. Its a special time God gave to us, and we have to use it wisely. It's hard for me, but I'm working on it and in the mean time, really trying to be the type of girl to attract a man that I want and God would be proud of. So... Pray for me! I'll pray for you too! No matter what stage you are in.
     God Loves You. He always has, and always will! ^_^

I'm doing it: Post Election Thoughts

     Well, I've been meaning to write something on here, and I've had ideas, but either I didn't have time (its' been hectic for work lately) or I didn't even turn on my computer, or when I did, I just chose not to. And... well... that's only me to blame. Sowwee!!
     First of all, the election. Now, I know this is a touchy subject, but Imma just say it how I think it. One, not gonna lie, I voted for Trump. I researched all the candidates, and I honestly thought he was the best bet. Plus, I really like Mike Pence. I hope he does well in all of this and possibly runs for President next time around :) Now, all this protesting, and rioting, is just dumb. Well, I don't care if people are protesting, they have a right to, but when it gets violent, then you're taking it too far. I don't like how both sides are using the outcome of the election to be complete and utter asses and to do whatever they want. Just because you didn't get your way, or for those that are using Trump's win as a way to harass others, doesn't mean you get to go back to being 5 and have a stupid tantrum. You are adults! Get a hold of yourself and if you want things to change, start locally and then go from there. Don't be angry and selfish and mess shit up for other people. Also, I honestly think that if Hilary had won, the "Trump" supporters wouldn't be this nasty. I'm calling ya'll out as a bunch of hypocrites if you are toting the "Love Trumps Hate" signs and yet hating on whoever doesn't agree with you. ... What else? Just to be clear, I do not agree with racist and stupid people that are using Trump's win to harass people they don't agree with either. Basically, everyone doing stupid shit is stupid and one day, whether you like it or not, you will reap the consequences of your actions. So repent now! Jk, but seriously. People just need to calm the fuck down and start acting like the grown up they are supposed to be. I'm saying extra prayers tonight.
          Also, it bothers me, and has for a while, how the media and the late night comedians and a lot of people on YT and a lot of people in general (though, I admit, I have yet to come across one in real life, thankfully) basically are making people who voted for Trump feel like shit. Like, I feel like all the media people hate Trump and are trying to make the people hate Trump and are trying to make those that supported him, in any way, shape or form, feel like shit and like they are worthless and dumb. Like, its was and still is unfashionable to be even ok with the fact that Trump won. And, I don't like it. So far, the people that I've talked to have only said they are "really worried" about Trump. But if I go online at all, or turn on the tv, it's waaaay more than worry. And I sorta get it-- well I do, He's kinda a jerk and he hasn't held any office before, but most people are just basing their opinions off a few things. Those few things being that they think he is racist and sexist. Which, I don't believe he is. Sure, he's said... things that are not nice, and that he should have thought about a bit more before saying them, but we all do! I hear much worse conversation from coworkers, male and female, than I ever did from Trump. I also hear much worse when I step into other people's cars and they are playing rap music. Have you heard that stuff? Its all about sex and money, basically, and I've been way more off put by rap and song lyrics than I have by what Trump has said.
     I feel like I'm starting to ramble, and stuff, so... Imma tie this up by saying that honestly, I don't think Trump will be that bad. Who knows, he might even be awesome!! I'll be praying for him and all his staff and everyone that agrees and disagrees, cause come on guys, we need to work together to make America work, and ya'll are just being a bunch of stupid kids throwing tantrums and its super annoying. So stop, just stop. Please. For those of you that have been and are calm and don't care about all this, good for you. Thank you for not being complete asses and just getting on with your lives. Some people need to do more of that. Plus they need Jesus. Errybody needs Jesus! 

Songs That Just "Get to You"

So I really like the band For King and Country and when I was in the Philippines I was able to download certain videos from YouTube and play them offline (a feature thats only available with YTRed in America, but it was was working without that in the Philippines) and though I got a lot of Kpop I also got a lot of For King and Country. And I've listened to both of their studio albums and some extra songs they've done too and they are great! Just today I was listening to Crave again, and the song "Missing" just "gets to me" if you know what I mean. I heard it first in the Philippines and I was going through... a time and dealing with emotions and stuff and it just really got to me and now, even though I'm mostly over it I'm still reminded and it still gets to me.

     As much as I love dance songs that have cool beats and make you feel "turnt" I guess, the ones that I tend to love even more as time goes on are the more ballad-y songs with great melodies and great vocals and lyrics that I can relate to or at least remind me of a time when I did relate to them. And "Missing" is and I can tell, will be, one of those songs.

     Other songs that I have such a great love of are, a lot of musical songs actually XD I love musicals like Cats, and I therefore love "Memory". I love Joseph and his Technicolor Dreamcoat and I really love "Close Every Door" and "Any Dream Will Do". I love Les Mis and... actually, almost all the songs in there, but especially "Bring Him Home"and "On My Own". I love ALL of Phantom of the Opera, and I guess I first got "the feels" for this type of song by watching Phantom. Like come on! How can you not feel sad for the Phantom, even though he's not been a very nice person in his life... The songs man, they get to you! I love to sing a long to all of them! XD I get really passionate about all the Phantom's lines and "All I Ask of You" XD especially the Reprise where the Phantom says "You will curse the day you did not do, all that the Phantom asked of YYYOOOOUUUUUU" XD That's my fav line in the whole thing!!! I also really like "Wishing you were somehow here again". Man, the whole thing, I love the whole thing! Also, fun fact, Phantom of the Opera is the first movie I can remember crying over. I was watching it with my grandma... it was not the first time I had watched it, but something in me really felt sorry for the Phantom (when before I had routed for Raoul) and I was just sooooo sad when Christine chose Raoul (though I totally get it, trust me I do, but in the moment, as a kid, it was like WWWHHHYYYY) and he breaks all the mirrors and stuff and dissapears. Yeah, I wanted on cry, but I wasn't about to do that in front of others! XD Anyway, I def noticed that after that I realized I got really attached to certain types of songs like that. It was a big moment for me, emotionally, I guess XD Looking back.

     I also got really attached to anime songs especially the ones from my two favs: Code Geass and Last Exile. Those are my two favorite animes and I love the songs that are used in their openings and closings. Those are probably my fav because my two favorite characters both die in them... Actually I've never seen it that way, but that might be a reason why they're really stuck with me. In Code Geass my fav is Lelouch and in Last Exile my fav is Alex Row. Sorry if that's a spoiler XD But they are both super old animes now and I think its fair game. XP

     Lord of the Rings! I really sentimental about all the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit credit songs and the soundtracks as a whole. I can literally cry just listening to "Into the West" or "The Last Goodbye". I love all those songs, even the creepy Gollum song for Two Towers, I just love them all and nothing can quite lift my spirits like hearing the hobbit theme songs when they are in the Shire. I love how happy their theme is and its just so beautiful! I also love the triumphant songs like when they win the wars or they light the beacons or Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli are tracking the Urukhai. Man, those songs!!!! I love them sooooo much! <3

     This post is getting long XD I love talking about music and thinking and listening to my favorite stuff :) So for now Imma just say Toodles and I'll talk to ya later! :D

Jonathan Thulin "Science Fiction" Album Review

     I just returned Jonathan Thulin's album of Science Fiction to the library, cause I use the library, and I want to rent it back right away because it was suuuuch a good album!!!! I got like 6 CD's and it was the one that I just kept replaying over and over and over and over and over and just sooooo many times! I have almost all the songs memorized, not all the raps though, and some lyrics I couldn't quite make out... I love all the songs, but the only thing I'd say that might be a negative is that I can't understand 100% of the lyrics. Like, its hard to tell what is being sung. But other than that, it is am amazing album!
     My favorite song is... well I dunno if its my favorite, cause honestly, half of them are all my fav XD but I really like "The Ruins" and just how... delicate and how the vocals were just sooo beautiful. He sang it with Moriah Peters and gah! Its just sooo good and I love how it stands out from the rest of the album as a much more instrumental song.
     I also really love "The Theory" and "6 Feet Under" for the interesting vocals and I love "Compass" for such an interesting sound. I really like all the other songs too just because they all sound so different from "normal" songs that just have a band or maybe just have electronic stuff. This album mixes everything! Its got the vocals, its got rap, its got electronic synths and cool beats but it also has orchestra stuff and a good ole band. Its just soooo interesting to listen to and it really takes you on a musical and lyrical journey.
     I highly recommend this album and to check out Jonathan's other stuff too :)

Posture

     This is just gonna be a quickie... hopefully... But I've been more thoughtful about my posture recently and I'm trying to stand up straighter and sit straighter, because I know its good for you. I see all these old people at church with... bad backs and I definitely do not want to look like that when I get older! 0_o So, I've been more aware about my posture and when I'm not standing or sitting straight -- I am sitting straight right now XD -- But its still hard to do all the time. Actually, I feel like when I walk, I'm pretty straight, its more when I'm just standing or sitting that I tend to slouch and then when I correct myself its like, "Woah! I was that far over?" But yeah... have you thought about your posture today? Well you are now! XP

The Flash Season 2 Review and Comments on the Entertainment World

     So... I should be going to bed... or at least getting ready... but I'm gonna do this real quick XD I just finished The Flash season 2! And overall, I liked it. It was action packed, it was funny and light hearted, but still had pretty good depth to it, and it was just a fun ride of a show. However, there are still things that irk me about it (and the same could be said for most television shows anyway) and thats the... well... the lack of God, but I'll get to that a little later.
     Let's talk about the things I liked first. My favorite character is Cisco just because he's the funniest and I get his jokes XD I think its so funny how he just has a little saying for everything and how he has to name all the meta humans XD He's a giant dork and its just fun to watch his character. He also makes the most funny faces, which I do, so I like that too.
     I really like Joe too. He's the father figure that always has something wise to say, but also admits when he doesn't know what to do. He's pretty level headed and very consistent with his morals and values. The only thing I don't really like, is how he is a little too obsessed with keeping kis kids out of danger. Though, I get it, he's a parent, and thats what parents do, and he does learn to trust them more as the story goes on, but it becomes sort of annoying. And Harry is like that too with Jesse, just too overprotective and it just gets annoying really. But, those are minor things for his character.
     I liked the crossover episode with Arrow and even though the Supergirl ep was on Supergirl, I also enjoyed that too.
     Ok, its not that much later, but now to the things I don't like. And really, I started this because I wanted to talk about what I didn't like, because it really bothers me: the lack of God. Now the first season, I think, wasn't as bad, it seemed more... not as God-less I guess. But in this season, for some reason I felt it more. Probably cause Barry and everyone keeps having problems that I keep screaming at the TV "you just need Jesus!!". Cause I mean, come on. The first thing that I remember irking me, was how hell bent Patty was on getting revenge on Mardon. Oh, which reminds me that the characters keep blaming bad things on themselves when they had no control. Which annoys me cause if you believed that God has a reason for everything and that even if it was your fault, you can repent, then you'd be ok, well, more ok. And then the Speed Force... basically pulling a God card and being all alpha and omega. Come on. And then the second to last episode annoyed me because Barry was all optimistic and happy and everyone was trying to talk him out of not having any worries. It was a really weird ep. Every character talked to Barry and was all "aren't you a little too happy? you should not be this optimistic. Stop it" -_- I was annoyed. Because if you equate what Barry says about "the speed force being on their side and not Zoom's" to "God is on our side, we have no worries" it just irks me that everyone was all "yeah, don't have faith and be pessimistic". I'm paraphrasing here... but still.  And then I got even more annoyed because in the lat two eps they talk about having peace andnot having peace about people dying. Which annoys me, because then they do stupid stuff. Well, by they I mean Barry. Barry does stupid stuff. But, if Barry just had Jesus, he'd be more at peace knowing that his life was in God's hands and that if those that died also had faith, then he'd see them again and there would be no need to be all emo and change the time line again. Geez Barry. XD Jk, But seriously. So many personal problems would be helped if everyone just had Jesus in theyz souls.     
     Yuuuupppp. And I'd get less annoyed at TV shows. XD Well, yeah, I know I made a big deal about what I didn't like, there was more, I just cant remember, though, but I think its important to not be so... Godless on TV. They even cut out most of what the pastor says at the funeral! Like seriously. Whats the point of having a pastor saying stuff, if they don't care and don't believe and don't even listen to him or give him anything Jesus-y to say. Tv shows and movies are so focused on being "politically correct" and putting blacks and latinos and lgbt people on (cause lets be honest, they don't even put asians on tv that much) that they forget that people watching want their religious views ans moral and beliefs represented too. I'm kind of going off a bit, but its still related. You hear that what we see on tv and in movies should represent the real world, that we have a multicultural world, therefore it should be on screen too, and I get that and I agree, but we also have religion in the world and why is it that its only represented in terrorists and stuff-- the bad ones? Rarely do you see straight up Christian characters. Why aren't we represented huh? Anyway, it just irks me, but I sorta doubt that its gonna change much.
   Now, granted, I don't watch every tv show or movie out there and I'm sure I'm missing some good stuff that isn't so... scientific or new age or so politically correct, but as much as I like the Flash, I can't help but think its still missing something, or rather someone.
     Ok, rant/not really a review is done and I'm going to bed! (Also, if it seemed like I'm angry or something in this, I'm not... just passionate XD and a bit tired and loopy )
    

That part that annoys me in movies or tv shows...

     You know that one part in a movie or TV show (I'm currently watching season 2 of The Flash and I think I'll do a review on it when I'm done) where some person is in a cell of some kind and they escape because they either fake being dead or fake that they escaped, so the guard opens the door and they get loose? Yeah, I really find that part annoying. The first few times I saw it on screen, I didn't mind that much, but its done ALL the time and its usually just an easy way for the plot to pick up -_- Like... I don't see why the guard or whatever always open the door? Like seriously? Haven't they seen any movies themselves? It just... its happened twice already this season and it just irks me, because it doesn't seem very realistic to me.
     The parts that also annoy me is when the bad guys, and even the good guys, have the other person at a disadvantage and they just talk... they talk about their evil plan or how they're gonna take them down and they never shoot or just kill or maim the other person. I was watching Supergirl and there is this part where the evil lady talks to Alex and then she leaves and she lets her two guards just grab Alex... and of course Alex fights back and stuff... and I'm like... "why didn't they just shoot her from a distance? They were just bragging about how they were gonna kill her... and then they just grab her... Seriously?" And this happens all the time. Or when like, the bad guy has a hostage and the good guy is just pointing their gun at them or something. Why don't they shoot? I'm pretty sure the good guy has the advantage and they should be able to aim and not hit the hostage. Like... that always annoys me. Basically, I just find these types of encounters really irritating because they don't seem realistic and they are just there for more dialogue or maybe a cool fight scene... which I get because its a show and you want it to be cool... but sometimes it just doesn't work.
     Anyway... short post, and kinda rant-ish XD but... It was just bothering me XP

Heavenly Thoughts :D

     Not related... but I got a bug bite sometime this evening -_- Anyway, I've been thinking about Heaven and what it's gonna look like and be like. And I've been meaning to write this for some time now, but obviously  I haven't done it till now XD
     So, I've recently thought about Heaven in a different way that before. As a kid I always had this image of the whole "streets paved with gold" thing and Heaven being a rather boring place where we stand like in a choir and praise God and stuff. Which, I knew was still gonna be ok, cause I mean, its Heaven XD I wanna be with God, no matter how boring it might seem in an earthly sense. But, then a few months ago, I dunno what clicked, but I started thinking of Heaven as... well, "a new earth". That it was gonna be like it is now, just without all the bad stuff.
    Adam and Eve experienced a perfect status of the world, and it wasn't all gold and boring, they actually had lives and did stuff and had fun and ate food and did stuff, so... why wouldn't it be the same later? Why can't we have a Heaven where we have jobs and have pets and go sky diving and eat delicious food and see movies and all that? Just, without all the sinful, unholy and ungodly things? I think that Heaven is gonna be a lot more familiar than we think, but of course, just amazing and sinless and we'll get to see God face to face! :D
     Ever since I've thought of heaven as just a "perfect earth" I haven't been... as afraid to die. Not that I am, well not that I know of, but of course, as soon as you are born, you are slowly dying of old age... XD Sorry if you never thought about that and I just made your day horrible x"D But... I feel like before, when I thought of Heaven as good, but boring, I was like "God, please don't take me anytime soon, I wanna have fun down here." But then when I realized (assuming I have a better picture of it now) that Heaven was gonna be this awesome place, I haven't been as afraid, because Heaven is looking like a better and better place to be! XD Then again, I guess that whole "new earth" thing wont happen until Jesus comes back again and the final judgement and all that. But still, I've actually been kind of excited to... die. Cause, I really will be going on to a better place! Get what I'm saying.
     Although, there is still that part of me that can't fathom "eternity" yet... and that scares me a bit, but it hasn't scared me as bad since I realized that Heaven isn't gonna be so "boring" XD Heaven is gonna be more like a second life that more amazing and has no end and we're gonna do fun stuff and have awesome "lives" (I guess) for all of "time" (?) Ok, I dunno how its all gonna work, obviously, but I think my new picture of heaven is a bit more accurate, and def less scary for me XD Cause I mean, my whole life I've thought of Heaven as not needing to eat or exercise or read or watch movies, and that's like my whole life! Especially chocolate! I want chocolate in Heaven XD And ice cream! Like, how can things that good, not be in Heaven? Come on. XD And, omg, what if we can teleport in Heaven? Like, we won't need to drive or fly, we just picture it or whatever, and we're there! :D That'll be soooooo amazing!
     Ok, so I'm getting a little too excited about this now, I think I'm gonna stop here. But yeah, I've got a new picture of Heaven (or is it Heaven? Or is it a new earth? Are they the same? Is heaven only where you go when you die but there hasn't been the 2nd coming yet...? Anyway) and its great and I'm super excited! Of course... I gotta stay good. I gotta keep living a life that God approves of, otherwise... I don't even want to imagine Hell... 0_o Nooooooooooooooooo. So I'll keep my eyes on the prize! ^_^ So help me God!!!!

Shoppping! I'll give you a tip, just head for the sale/clearance rack XD

     Have you ever prepared to go in a store with certain items to purcahse is mind but then you either end up buying more than what you expected and/or not buying anything you intended? Yeah, that was me at Target today XD I went in to get some of the Dr. Scholl insert things to make your shoes more comfy (I need new work shoes, but I thought that some air cushions would help till I found a good pair) but then I looked over at the womens clothes and saw a bunch of cute stuff and ended up looking XD And I must say, there are a BUNCH of CUTE 70's inspired clothes for fall going on at Target right now. I tried on a few things but they ended up being a bit too revealing in the chest area than I would have liked. Meh. But then I saw their PJ onesie collection and they had Eeyore which is one of my friends absolute favorite, like, animal, ever XD And so I texted her and ended up getting it for her XD But I also must say that there are other super cool onesies at Target! Like, I was really impressed by their selection. I remember a few years ago, when the onesies were just coming back in style (for adults anyway) that they only had boring and simple colors, but now they have characters and other animals! :O So yeah XD I also ended up getting tights that were 3 bucks on Clearance, some baby wipes, and contact cleaner.
     Which reminds me, I pretty much only buy clothes on sale. And usually, not just sale, but Clearance. Like, I want it to be as possibly cheap as possible! Cause who doesn't like saving money? Plus, I know that most stuff is super over priced anyway, just so that the company can have a large profit margin. And even though Target has a lot of cute stuff, I wouldn't say that its the best quality, ya know.  Ya know what, Imma turn this into a shopping post XD
      My favorite things to buy are the high quality expensive items that are just out of season and therefore deeply discounted so that in the end, they are literally like 10 bucks when they were originally 50 to over 100. Lands End in Sears is a fav of mind cause they do that a lot. Their out of season stuff I can usually get for like 5 to 20 bucks a piece when usually everything is well over 50 dollars, and closer to 100 originally. Now, Lands End is a tad old style, but I'm a bit of an old soul XD Mostly, I go for their staple items, the types of items that don't go out of style, like a good pair pf pants or a simple dress or a colored button down shirt. And their stuff is really good quality! Like its thick and it doesn't just start to pull apart when you wash it. So I'd def rather spend 20 to 30 bucks on a discounted item from Lands End than a full priced item at Forever 21 or something.
     That being said, I still wander into shops like Forever 21 and H&M but I also go for their Clearance rack. Cause if I'm gonna pay 25 bucks for Lands End, you best bet I'm paying 5 for something of less quality. This goes for the other middle end department stores like JC Penny's or Macy's (anyone remember Mervyns? XD) or stuff like that. Though, I admit, there are certain brands that are really hard to find on sale that it is tempting to pay full price for really nice stuff. But, I manage to hold out. Items I'm more like to splurge on are shoes.
     One, I'm a shoe person. If I had the money to be a specific type of person, I'd be a shoe person XD But, I don't have the money XD Also, I got some pretty bad feet that need special orthotics and shoes XD Yup, I'm one of those. As much as I love heels and wedges and boots in the fall, I can really only wear heels for like an hour-- to church-- because my feet just can't take it. Especially because I see no point in wearing a heel lower than 4 inches XD I'm an extreme heel type of person XD But, alas, I have bad feet. SO I guess its sort of a blessing in disguise. But anyway, I'm more likely to spend more money on shoes because Imma be wearing those suckers all the time! I want them to be good quality and comfy and not fall apart so soon.
     Also, as I have gotten older, even though I look mostly at the sale and clearance sections, I understand the worth of some of them more expensive items and I can recognize quality better. Which is why I'd much rather buy some expensive shit on sale rather than just cheap shit to begin with. And a great place to find expensive shit on sale is Marshalls and TJ Maxx and sometimes Ross and stuff. And, now, even though they sell items at an already discounted rate, I still go to the clearance section XD But, I know that buy shopping there I am still pretty much getting good quality items. I also like to look at their snack/food section because they've got some of the expensive food snacks at a couple dollars off compared to Whole Foods and stuff. Yeah. I recently illuminated some other friends to the fact that Marshalls and them sell snacks and food XD They don't always have a wide selection, but occasionally I can find the stuff I really want for like half than at the grocery store.
     What else... You're probably surprised that I haven't mentioned thrift stores and stuff if I'm so obsessed with getting things cheap and its not that I don't like them... but honestly I just don't like wearing things that people have already worn... Which may sound really selfish or snobby (considering I also donate to things like thrift stores...) but... its just how I am. I don't mind if someone gives me clothes but I don't want t buy things that I don't know who wore them and what happened to them and stuff. Like, I'm still a bit of a germaphobe (I used to be much worse, maybe I'll talk about that later) and the thought of wearing what others have worn is just creepy to me. So if I do go to thrift stores, I look for things with the tags still on them and expensive brands that don't look that bad. And I find that often, I can find new things,  on super clearance for the same price, or less, than what I can find at thrift stores. I mean, you can't beat 1 dollar or 50 cents, but now a days thrift stores try to sell you stuff for like 10 bucks! What? Anyway...
    I'm getting tired and its getting late and I have work tomorrow too. So! See ya for  now and God Bless ya'll! Don't know who you are, but I'm praying for ya! ^_^

I'm Weird XP

     It's probably come across in my posts that I'm a bit weird. (Also, I always forget how to spell "weird". I wanna put the "i" first.) I mean, for starters, I'm in my 20's and I still watch Barbie movies but I also love vampires and werewolves and creepy things and Comic Book movies and LOTR and stuff like that. The Barbie thing is the main thing people are like, "whhaaaa??????" XD But whatever XD Oh, I'm waiting for the newest one! Barbie Starlight Adventure! :D
     Off the topic of Barbie (or not, cause I also love fashion-- that's the main reason I love Barbie XD) and on to other things of general weirdness. (Also, I'm writing this at 8:40 pm and I've been up since 3:30 am with only 9 hours of sleep in the past two days 0_o ...  So... if I sound tired, its cause I am) I was working yesterday and I was either saying something funny or making a funny face or dancing randomly cause she was all "you're so weird". But in like a good way. Like, she wasn't being mean, just simply saying that I am weird XD Cause I am. Lets not beat around the bush. Things that I do, that probably are "weird" is that I speak with different accents in regular conversation. Like... a lot of times I speak with a Southern-ish accent and lately I've been asked if I was Southern XD But the most South I've been in America is LA. I don't exactly know where I get it, but I think it sort of blossomed from when I used to imitate T-Bag from Prison Break. Cause I do a lot of voice impressions, that's also like "my thing" and so I think it comes from that. But, I go in an out of accents ALLLLLLL the time, I barely even notice it. But I usually do, cause I never really do anything without sort of... planning it out in a way. If that makes sense. I'm a very deliberate person, even if I don't seem like it. I also have a "black" voice... And I'm not being racist! Maybe a little stereotypical, not gonna lie, but I really love the way sassy black people sound. And I'm not the only one that does "the voice" and the hand gestures and the lingo. I know ya'll do to, so don't crucify me just because I admitted it out loud 0_o  So yeah, I do a lot of different voices. Weird thing #1.
     I make weird/ugly/creepy faces that I think are hilarious but other people find... hilarious, but also creepy XD I can't really describe, in words, the faces that I make, but lets just say, I actually spend time in front f the mirror doing my best to "perfect" these faces XD No joke, I do that. And I usually use my weird faces to let people know I'm acknowledging them. Like, you see your friend across the room, so you make a funny face type thing. I also do them for selfies or for other pictures. Cause who wants a normal smiling face? Huh? No one! Thats who! XD Jk, But yeah, I make funny faces, that sometimes I'm the only one who things they're funny XD Weird thing #2.
     I randomly dance; especially when I'm cold. The best way to get warm is to move your body, and so the best way to move your body, that doesn't take up a lot of room is to dance!!!! Now I'm not doing ballroom or anything complicated, I'm just doing little dorky dances XD And people, that aren't used to it, always look at me and ask "what are you doing?" and I explain XD And even when they are used to it, they look at me and laugh XD And I even dance when I'm not cold- like if I'm bored or something XD Weird thing #3.
     Evidently I say weird things... but I can't really give you an example cause its mostly other people that find what I say weird when I'm just talking XD And I'm usually not even trying to make a joke or something, its just what I say, I guess, can be odd. Eh. Sometimes I'm really blunt, sometimes I'm sarcastic, sometimes I'm trying to be a certain way, sometimes I say something naive or ask a question and sometimes I guess I just plain say weird stuff. Although, I don't say a lot of things. I have a pretty crazy imagination and I'll imagine things, and I'll want to say them, but I don't cause I still have a bit of a fear of being that person that no one listens to. Cause I used to be, and sometimes still am. So, I've learned to just keep it to myself if it doesn't seem interesting enough. I suppose that sounds sad, but I think we all do that. Otherwise we'd all be talking 24/7.
     I'm trying to think of something specifically I do, that is weird to be #5... Oh, I waterfall my water bottles. So I don't touch my mouth to the bottle. And if I have to, like for a glass, I have to wipe off the chapstick residue, cause I always wear chapstick. I have such dry lips despite all the water I drink. I know I have other weird little habbits that people ask me about, but I can't off hand remember right now.
     So! That's it for now! I'm weird! But I love it! Makes life more interesting! XD I love when I meet new people that are either just as weird as me (although, rarely do I find someone of my exact caliber) or that accept my weirdness. So thanks to the friends that I've known for years and love me for my weirdo self! *waves* and Thanks to the new friends I've made recently and those I shall meet in the future!
    (P.S. - This post was inspired by Shelby Genco's post on how we all need friendship. Even if I went off with it a bit XD It still made me think about my friends and why I have them and what makes me me and what I have to offer in friendship as well. Her blog is Mixed Whimsy ^_^ )
     (P.P.S- You have no idea how many times I had to correct the spelling of "weird".)

Goodness Gracious! I have been busy!

     So work blew up this past week and before that I was also super busy, so I'm just super sorry I haven't been able to post. I thought about it! But I just didn't have time. I barely had time to turn on my computer, and when I did I was watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire while eating breakfast XD So yeah, busy, busy, busy. This week is also super busy, but I have enough time to write this! :D
     Did I mention that I was rewatching the Harry Potter movies? I want to delve back into the world before Fantastic Beasts :) That looks super exciting!!! I should also reread the books, because the movies miss a lot of things, not as much in the first three... or was it just the first two... but I mean, those books are big! At the end, I'm not surprised you can't fit it all. And man, they get dark even in the 3rd one. Like... Harry Potter has some good laughs, but its overall a pretty dark series for kids. I was about to watch the 5th one, The Order of the Phoenix (who else has a hard time spelling "phoenix"???), when I put it in and was all... "This... doesn't look like the 5th one... this looks like the 6th" XD It turns out I grabbed the wrong one at the library! XD But I ordered the 5th one so it should be on its way soon :)
     Speaking of ordering things from the library, I've been thinking about materialism and stuff lately. How much stuff is too much? Like, usually I love buying DVDs and movies so that I can watch them whenever I want, without needing internet and all that, but I've been wondering if I need to... Clearly, no one needs to buy DVDs and watch movies, its not a necessity, but I've been thinking about mostly getting things from the library a much as possible. One, its free, I don't have to shell out 20 to 30 bucks for something. Two, its not technically free, my taxes are paying for it but its better than 20 plus bucks. Three DVDs are turning into Blu Ray and Blu Ray is turning into 4k... Geez its so annoying to "keep up" with technology. Four, I feel sorta guilty about spending money on movies than like giving to charity or doing something more "responsible". And its not like I don't give to charity, I do, but I always feel like I should give more. Like its never enough. Which, in a way its  not. money and things will only get people so far, everyone needs God in their lives to make it complete. But, still I can't help but think I should sell more of my stuff, give away more of my stuff (one so that I have less to clean and make a mess of), so that others who need it more can have them. But then I wonder whats the best way to get my stuff or my money to the people who need it ya know? How can I tell who needs it the most and who is gonna use it the best? These are the things that I wonder about XD and if anyone had any thoughts, you are more than welcome to comment ^_^
I do wish I could do a sort of garage sale, though, and raise money for charity, and just plain get rid of stuff. But i'm like... too lazy. I'd rather someone I know host it and I just give my stuff for them to sell XD I'm so lazy. And I know there are a ton of apps now a day for this type of stuff, but I hate making accounts and having sites ask for permission for so many things. Like, ugh. I know I'm a paranoid granny, but I'd be more inclined to get Snapchat if it wasn't so... invasive. Like google isn't already? But I've had this account for years. The reason I just did a blogger rather than another site was cause I didn't have to make another account. Its already on the YT/Google account, so eh.
     Where am I going with this...? Not entirely sure, its just a stream of consciousness. But man, it takes longer to type than to think it XD  Well, it late and I want to get to bed soonish. So toodles for noe!!! ^_^

If I Could Relive One Day

     One of the songs on the radio, I mostly listen to KLove or Kpop XD, talks about if you could go back and relive one day of your past of change one day (and I can't remember who sings it... I'll Google the lyrics-- Its Casting Crows "One Step Away") and anyway I've always wondered and thought about if there were a day that I could go back and change and do different somehow... And I think I basically came to the conclusion that "naaaah, I'll pass" XD
     I think that daunts me the most about questions like that are more worrying about what would happen instead of what did happen. Like, I'm all for a better outcome, but what if you changed something for the worse, ya know? Now, I've got a lot of thoughts on time travel that I won't get too much into, but to keep it simple I guess I just think that my life hasn't been all horrible and so there is nothing terrible that I would change. I guess sometimes I think of little things though, like maybe not saying something rude or maybe adding a compliment or an apology, but... I'd fear that anything bigger would change things a lot! If I got the choice to go back and change something I'd want to have multiple choice options to be all "Ok, if I did A then E will happen. If I did B then F will happen..." And so on XD Like, I wouldn't just want to go into it blind... like regular life XD I'd want some more insight into what would happen instead and how that would affect my life going forward. And maybe I watch too many movies, but sometimes its the little things that add up and make the biggest change! So what if you changed a little thing that became a bigger thing! :O So yeah, I've been thinking about this and pretty much just coming up blank. Though, I do suppose that it's because I've really had quite a comfortable life. I'm sure that if something tragic had happened in my past I'd want to change that, but then again, everything does happen for a reason. God has a plan and as long as it works out in the end, ain't got nothing to worry about XD And yet I still do. Like, to be honest, the thing I "worry" about the most is "finding love" and all that. I know I'm not alone, but its definitely that one thing that I think about the most... I'm pretty sure. I've had some... not good experiences with love in the past, but at the same time, I'm not sure I'd want to go back and change them, cause they've helped me change and grow and be a better person (hopefully) because of it. I've learned things from my past mistakes and them mistakes of others and I'm sure that bad experiences are just as helpful, if not more than good ones. You tend to really remember the bad ones, even if you don't want to. XD (Random, but I'm writing this at night and i have my front door open, and I'm sitting right in front of it... but its sorta creeping me out now... I'm gonna close it 0_o   Ok, I closed it.)
     Where was I? So yeah... and I've thought about other things that I did as a kid that sorta led me down paths I'd rather not have gone down, but at the same time I think that I've learned more from them than I would have had I not done them in the first place. I'd like to think I'd end up in the same place, or a better one, but its hard to tell. I will say that I'm thankful that God kept a careful watch of me all those years XD Like, I never did anything bad if you're wondering, but its more like... lets just say I wasn't the nicest person on the inside as a kid. I knew God, but I had more of a fear of Him than a loving relationship. But at the same time I was also a kinder individual than now... its rather perplexing actually. But, overall, I'd say that I think I needed those times to help mold me into who I am today. I'm weird. I dunno, I just hope I'm not the only one XD
     Now... anything else to say... I guess that I'm thankful for my life and that I have the privilege to not have anything so huge in my past that I would want to redo. However, for those that might consider a proposition such as this (I've been watching some Period drama stuff if I'm sounding fancier than usual) I might encourage you to look at your past as something to learn from and to take away the good and the bad and give it all to God. And if you haven't already, let God change your life now and let Him work in you to come to peace with your past and see that it was not all for naught. The past is the past after all, and its time to make a new future ^_^ If you want to, anyway, maybe your life is going great XD
     Till next time! Toodles and God Bless!

LOTR tag/ Dear anyone who worked on LOTR and The Hobbit :)

So, I wanted to write something, I’ve been wanting to but not finding the actual push or an amazing idea to write about so I went searching for more “tag” questions and I found a little Lord of the Rings tag so I thought I’d do that one XD Cause it you don’t know already, I Love LOTR and its my fav cinematic universe.

1. How did you discover Lord of the Rings?

Sometimes I actually forget my first encounter with LOTR and I think that I just saw the Fellowship when it came out, but actually, my grandparents had one of the animated movies, the one that had all three books into one animated feature, not the ones where its all broken up and the hobbits looks all weird and stuff. Actually I just found out that it’s the 1978 version and its based on The Fellowship and the first half of The Two Towers… So I dunno, its literally been like at least 15 years since I’ve seen it. Probably more like 17 XD But I also watched a few clips and thought it looked a lot like live action and then I read that it was shot in live action and then was animated over. Which I think is pretty cool. I think it also made for a better and more realistic style and definitely better movements.  But yeah, I watched that before the live action movies came out and then when they did I was all “Hey, I’ve seen that!” And even as the animated version, it was one of my favs : ) I knew quality even back then XD

2. Have you read the books?

Now, I have admitted this before, I have not read the books… BUT! I will! I really will one day soon! I feel quite ashamed that I’m such a huge fan but I haven’t read the books…  Dx

3. Did you watch the movies or read the books first?

Clearly, since I haven’t read the books, I saw the movies first XD

4. Have you read The Hobbit?

I’ve read half The Hobbit… I started it, but I haven’t finished it yet x”D But I will! I promise I will!

5. Who is your favorite character?

Well, I have a few, and all for different reasons and I had different ones at different stages in my life. As a kid, my favorite was Frodo. Come on, Elijah Wood was adorable! Then I moved on to Legolas, because, come on back then Orlando Bloom was hot. Like Frodo was cute, but Legolas was hot. XD But I always loved Gimli for his comedy XD Then, as I got older and I watched all the behind the scenes and why characters were the way they were and more about their motivations and stuff I really liked Sam and Gandalf. Sam is like… the reason Frodo could even do the quest. And Gandalf is like the whole catalyst in the first place, plus he’s a giant moral high ground and he is the wisdom and the light and all that. Gandalf and Sam have my favorite lines in all the movies and I think they are both from The Two Towers.

“Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for"

And for Gandalf I really like when he has this moment with Pippin in The Return of the King, actually, not both in TT.

“Pippin: I didn't think it would end this way.

Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path... One that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass... And then you see it.

Pippin: What? Gandalf?... See what?

Gandalf: White shores... and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.

Pippin: [smiling] Well, that isn't so bad.

Gandalf: [softly] No... No it isn't.”

And I really like that cause I see the Christianity in the background ya know : ) And same with Sam’s, I see Tolkien and his faith hovering in the background.

Oh! And I forgot that I still love Merry and Pippin for their comedy as well and how they grow throughout their journey and I love Arwen because she’s that character all full of pure hope (plus, she has long hair and I always wanted my hair to look like hers xD) And… Oh! I love Treebeard too! Cause, hello, its fricken Treebeard XD  So… basically I have a lot of favs—OMG, I forgot Gollum! Well… I don’t love Gollum so much as… you just feel for his character and its quite easy to relate to him if you’ve had any… darkness I suppose to you. But overall I’d say that Sam and Gandalf are my fav for their character, but Legolas is such a badass, soooooo… Yeah XP And also, shoutout to Thranduil in The Hobbit films. Lee Pace was just sooooo gorgeous as Thranduil! Like, literally he was and is the most gorgeous being I have ever seen on the screen and in real life. Like, Thranduil was perfection in my eyes. At least physically, his personality was an asshole XD but he gets better XD

6. Do you know any Elvish or Dwarvish?
Ummm… I know that friend is “melon” XD But other than that I can imitate what they say but I haven’t taken the time to actually learn any. I used to, actually, read about the Elvish language because I did want to speak it, but I’m better when I learn from someone, not just a book. But I’d love to be able to ^_^

7. Which is your favorite book/film?

Ummm… this is a hard one. Honestly I count them all as one. To me, its one film, just in three parts XD And there are parts within the parts that I like better but overall I don’t think I can choose just one. I love all the battles though. Especially Helms Deep and The Battle of the Pelennor Fields… But I also love the stuff in Hobbitton and the music from Hobbitton. But then I love the Elves! I love Rivendell, although I don’t care for Lothlorien as much just because its not as colorful. I really like color : ) Ummm… But yeah, I honestly just lump it all into one movie xD But I do like LOTR better than The Hobbit films. But like I said, Thranduil is just gorgeous beyond words. Truly. He makes those movies for me xD Of course, Martin Freeman ad Bilbo and Richard Artmitage as Thorin are amazing too, but mmmm Thranduil xD

8. How do you feel about the movie adaptations of the books?

Ummm, well since I didn’t read the books yet, I don’t think I’m as qualified to answer this, but I’m just glad they did ^_^ All the animated ones and the live action.

9. What race would you be?

ELF! Hands down I would be an elf!!!! I’d be a badass Elf too, in the vein of Legolas and Tauriel. I love Arwen, but I love being a badass too XD She’s cool, though.

Sometimes I think I’d like to be a Hobbit though, because they seem like they lead hearty lives and really live life to the fullest ya know : )

10. How has Lord of the Rings affected your life?

I was about to mention this in the answer for 8, but it goes with this one better xD My life… would be sooooo different. Like, it sounds cheesy and cliché, but LOTR has literally changed my life. I don’t think I’d be the person I am today if they didn’t exist or if I had not seen the movies. Like… as a kid, I just loved the adventure and the good looking actors XD but as I grew up I saw the heroism in the story and in the characters and I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be as kind and loyal as Sam and as wise as Gandalf and as kingly as Aragorn and as badass as Legolas. I actually remember the point in my life when I was rewatching the movies, I was in The Two Towers where Sam says the whole things about not giving up hope and fighting for what good, and I remember that I cried. I literally cried because I had a sort of epiphany moment for several reasons and it was one of the times that the chink in my armor began to fall away. Maybe one day I’ll go a bit into that, cause I was actually thinking about how I’ve changed over the years, especially over the past two years… but we’ll see. But yeah, I just. These movies have changed my life and when I see, also the hard work and complete dedication that was put into making the movies, it movies me even more and I wish I could have been old enough to be a part of making them! Watching all the extras and interviews really made me feel a part of the world even more and plus it just looked so fun to make!

If anyone who was a part of LOTR or The Hobbit or both ever happens to read this, I just want to say “Thank You from the bottom of my heart.” I’ll probably never meet anyone but I just want to say that these movies have impacted my life more than you can imagine and I will always cherish them and the work that you put into them and I will continue to marathon them for the rest of my life. I wish I could have been a part of the process somehow and I hope that you had fun : ) I also hope that one day we can truly return to Middle Earth, perhaps at the 25 year mark (don’t get me started on that 800 buck thing Warner is coming out with) and get to see even more of your hard work. So, thank you Tolkien, thank you Jackson, Boyens, and Walsh, thank you cast and crew and Allan Lee and John Howe. Thank you for bringing Middle Earth to life because it helped me to truly come to life as well. Oh, and a special thank you to Andy Serkis for giving Gollum a voice and for me being able to always freak my friends out XD And A big thank you to Lee Pace for being a gorgeous Thranduil. And omg, I almost forgot Howard Shore! LOTR is my fav ever soundtrack and score and its just always so beautiful to me and I love it <3 May Middle Earth always live on, on the page, on the screen and in our  hearts!