Idols

     I've been thinking about doing a post about this for a while, and I was watching an old video of funniest Supernatural moment, ya know, from the TV show, and I remembered how... well... how obsessed I used to be with that show and how absolutely cute I though Sam and Dean were and how... almost disappointed I was when I learned that Jared and Jensen got married x"D Geez. And I'm reminded of the many people and things (mostly people... mostly good looking dudes) that I literally used to obsess over. (Btdubbs: This is a LONG post.)
     I've always like boys, duh XD The first kid I thought was cute was this one kid in first grade. I'm not gonna name names XD And basically, every year I liked a boy in my class or close to it XD I rarely admitted it though. I liked to admire from afar, and or... be really competitive with them XD I was always athletic and wanted to be the best at all playground activities. Anyway, I feel like liking boys who you know isn't that bad, because, well, there is good possibility of actually entering into a relationship with them down the line, because they are physically close to you. I also remember, though my first "celeb" crush XD Well, I think he was my first one, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were more earlier... Actually now that I think of it, I'm sure I liked others on TV shows and stuff, I watched a lot of Sci-Fi and Fantasy. Anyway! For the purposes of this post I'll zero in on Frodo, aka Elijah Wood as my first celeb crush because I saw Fellowship in theaters and he was just so cute! XD I also really like Legolas aka Orlando Bloom, but Frodo was first XP
     For a while, other than Orlando, cause he's the one that stuck, especially after Pirates, I don't remember really being obsessed with a celeb until 7th grade or so when I was introduced to Tokio Hotel and Bill Kaulitz.  Now I did like kids in my classes in the mean time, but Bill was like no other XD And I sometimes forget that I really liked him at the time, and this was when I started using the internet more, so of course, stalking people could become a bigger reality. I think one reason I wasn't as obsessed before Bill was because I didn't use the internet much because it was, dun dun dun DIAL UP! XD And if you remember that... it was veeeerrrryyyyy slow. You didn't bother watching videos of music videos on Dial Up. Nope!So yeah, I was pretty obsessed with Bill for about two years? Definitely at least until freshman year of high school.
     Oh, I also will mention that I was that kid that thought cartoon characters were good looking XD Like... Prince Eric from Little Mermaid and various anime characters like Alex Row from Last Exile and Lelouch from Code Geass among others XD So... I had various anime crushes all during this time XP
     After Bill came the big one, Heechul of Super Junior. I think I stopped liking Bill because of Heechul... although it wasn't until the SM Concert in 2010 that I went head over heels XD I had gotten into kpop late 2009 after watching some f(x) and Super Junior videos, but I didn't really know what all was going on. Slowly through f(x) I was introduced to 2NE1 and SNSD and Kara and Taeyang and then BigBang and so on and so forth. I remember I had watched Super Junior's "Sorry Sorry" early on and I had seen Heechul and thought he was the weird Asian with the weird long hair XD Little did I know that 6 months later he'd be my "ultimate bias" for like three years. So I went to the SM concert with my best friend and Heechul really stood out to me. Mainly cause he fake made out with Henry and stuff, although I did know him before the concert cause I thought he was cute with platinum blonde hair in "No Other". After that concert I just went into a full on Kpop craze and a Heechul craze and I watched everything that Super Junior did and that Heechul did. I watched his dramas, I watched his variety shows, I listened to his radio broadcasts etc. I was the most obsessed I'd been with anyone, ever. And it didn't stop me that I didn't know Korean and it didn't look like I was visiting Korea any time soon. But I started learning Korean because of him and getting into Korean culture because of him. And that lasted for three years, no joke. three years until I saw Star Trek Into Darkness and you can read about that in my Benedict Cumberbatch post XD
    Long story short...er... I was very into a person I didn't know and didn't know me for a long time... though good things did come out of that whole experience. I thought to myself that since I thought Heechul was such a great guy (despite being a proclaimed atheist...) that I should become a better person to be a person that he'd like. Ya know? And not that I wasn't confident or trying to change myself for a boy, but back in high school I wasn't the best all around person. I had a bit of a... darker side back then, not that many people knew, but I knew and I had an epiphany one night and actually broke down crying because I realized how... sinful I was and how could I expect someone else to like me if I wasn't a good person. Yeah... x"D So, from then on, I slowly began to change and be a slightly better person. God was really working in me XD
    As I just said, though, Heechul wasn't the last, there was then BC and I just transferred my obsession to BC from Heechul cause i figured "hey, he at least speaks English already" XD Back then I literally had a pride complex about me too, that thought I deserved to "be with someone who was famous" and all that... because... well... Just because. I was... ugh. Not the best version of me yet, but better than I had been in many respects. Thankfully, my obsession with BC didn't last as long as Heechul and I got over him the next year after realizing (from an experience with a boy... that lets just say, nothing happened, but I got fanciful for a sec) that I didn't need to be with a famous person. A normal, regular, non-famous person was just as good for me and as interesting as a famous person. (I remember now, I thought that I was more interesting than "regular" people and literally thought I was meant to be with someone famous because they were interesting like me. Trust me, I'm rolling my eyes at it too.) Yeah... so that was real, but a boy did knock me out of it and I had another epiphany and I... really backed down from my stupid pedestal.
     This was all... like three years ago now and I was slowly being healed by the Holy Spirit, but I wasn't there yet, and little did I know that I'd meet someone else to really teach me a lesson. And... since I still know this person and I said that I won't talk about other  people on here, I won't go into detail. Maybe one day XD But, overall, what it led me to figure out is that I was placing such a high priority on wanting to be in a relationship. I made it an idol in my life. Sure, I'd pray and ask for God's will to be done, but it still consumed me. Being "obsessed" with someone, especially someone you don't even know is not a good thing. I can tell you that. After watching a few Christian YTers like Chasegodtv and Girl Defined and Jeff Bethke, I really realized how bad my obsession with wanting to be in a relationship was and that sleuthing for clues from God about who "the one" was gonna be is not the same as trusting God and letting him do His own thing. And I admit that I still have a problem with wanting to know God's plan for me... but on such an extreme level that I literally try to Sherlock the shit out of the simplest things.
     So! If you're looking for a moral in this super long post I'd say, to people, boys and girls, "don't let yourself get carried away dreaming about people who don't even know you exist." It seems like a common sense thing, but when I read the comments on any BTS music video, I can tell that there are a lot of girls that need to hear that -_- Those girls are too obsessed and its not a good thing. There are way too obsessed boys too, just go to a TWICE video -_- And I say that not to get your hopes dashed, but just think about the probability, especially if you don't even speak the same language as that person. And even if you do, and you don't run in the same circles as that person, the odds are just against you. Look for people who are nearer to you and focus on having the same morals and values. But don't look too hard, even at the people close to you, because that will either just leave you dejected all the time cause you aren't making progress, or you'll read too much into simple situations and it'll be awks and possibly heart breaking later.
     If you're looking for something to take away from all of this, I say to truly and completely give your life to God. Don't pretend to or only give Him most of your life, but all of it. He's got such a great plan for you and its not going to happen any faster with you trying to sleuth it out. God is a good, good, father and if you rely on Him and do what right in His eyes and follow His commands, then it will all work out and it'll be amazing. And trust me, I'm making all this fancy talk, not just for you, random reader, but for me as well. I need to be reminded that God has something amazing in store for me and its gonna happen when it happens. That doesn't mean to sit on your butt all day and just wait, but it doesn't mean to try find the present your parents hid and open them before Christmas because you can't wait, either. Keep the faith and keep the trust and be the person you want to marry and pursue your vocation. And if you don't know what that is yet (like me XD) keep trying different things and just keep going forward, cause ain't nothing gonna happen if you're standing still.
     Well! This is super long and I hope it made sense because I actually wrote it over several days XD But I hope it helps someone some time and... Well, God Bless and toodles ^_^