Stuck- ish

     Its not something I like to admit out loud, for several reasons, but for a lot of my life I've felt stuck. I know most people now a days say to "follow your dreams" and stuff like that, but honestly, thats just not possible for everyone. Now I will explain in further detail, but don't think I'm gonna go in a sad direction with this. Although, maybe you'll think its sad, I dunno. I do not necessarily think so. But all in all, I think I've said it before on here, I don't like the phrase "follow your dreams" or "do what your heart says". The reason I don't like it, is because its kinda selfish, right out of the gate anyway. If you just take it word for word and don't have a... filter (maybe) for it. First and foremost, for my life, I want to honor and follow God. Not me. He is the creator of the entire friggin universe! God knows way better than me, what is best for my life. And now, by knowing that first, I can then filter the phrase "follow your dreams" into a better philosophy. I do believe that God gives us likes and dislikes and talents and urges and dreams for a reason. We all have a purpose in this world and since most of the time God doesn't give us a neon sign telling us what to do, we can use our "dreams" and aspirations and wants and goals to help us recognize what God is leading us to do. Although, trust me, I'd much rather have a neon sign. I am at a point in my life where I'm going to start having to make some more... serious decisions, mostly career wise. And with those looming decisions and a mix of current duties and future dreams, I feel stuck. Lets just say, that my current duties don't align... much at all, with my "hopes and dreams" and I admit, that I feel stuck. Part of me is like "Hey, remember that thing/those things you'd like to do? Why don't you try?" and then the other part of me is like "But you can't. You have responsibilities here." And its the type of responsibility that could jeopardize someone else/a group of people, not just myself, ya know. And while I'm not the main big piece of it, I am a very integral part of it, and without me (not to make myself sound super important, however) I'm pretty sure it would be very rough for those "left behind". And this is sort of where I hate phrases like "follow your dreams" because if I left, and tried what I'd want to try now, I'd mess up other people. Now maybe they could make, maybe, it'd definitely be super hard, but honestly I don't think it would work in the long run. Well, there would be a big decline/downsize in it all. And I don't think its right for me to "follow my dreams" when I am pretty sure that me doing that would be bad for others. You get what I mean? However, I do hope that one day I can, eventually be un-stuck. Butt, considering the current circumstances... it'd take me years. Lets just say that there used to be people above me that could have done what I'm doing, but now they are gone and there isn't anyone below me for a long time that could take over for me if I stopped. And... for my human, selfish mind, its frustrating. Of course I want to try something new, but not at the expense of others. ...sigh... So... I'm not sure what a reader will get out of this. Well, let me say this. I do believe, that God sees me and hears my plight. I do believe that this is all for a purpose and that one day I will understand and see the fruits of my labor. And while I believe that, I'm not doing it because I think I'll get something greater in the end. However, it is what keeps me going, besides the fact that its the right thing to do. And I guess what I'd like a reader to glean from this post is that, if you are stuck in a season of life and even if you don't see a way out, and you don't know how you're gonna "achieve your dreams", I believe that as long as you are doing your best and giving all you've got to the situation, that in the end, God will reward you. It may not be when you want or with what you want, but it will be with what you need and what is good for you. And trust me, I'm hanging on to that! And I can say it, because there are plenty of other ways that I've seen God take what I thought was not my best situation and still make something happen. I can look at little things in the past and have hope for the future. And if you're someone that thinks you don't even have little things in the past to look at, you're either not looking hard enough, or its time to start putting God first in your life for a change. Because He is there and He cares and He delivers. And sometimes all it takes is a perspective change. I may feel stuck, but its probably more the case that being where I am now is helping me in another way I can't even think of. I hope so anyway. And even though I sometimes feel like the last person holding up something heavy... I can see where I've made a difference with people and that's also encouraging. Its not necessarily needed, because I don' think I need to see the fruits of my labor, but it is nice.
Anyway, I feel like this is a very rambly post. And very vague, but I didn't want to complain about a particular situation, rather express how I've felt about it. Well, if you've read all this, God Bless you and God/Jesus/Holy Spirit love you ^_^ And heck, I do too! Toodles!